Random Things Keep Popping In My Head

At a random time in a random place random things happen !!! like a marathi poem ...

Pardon the poor handwriting and mistakes if any .....


I have tried to help some of my reader overcome their marathi handicap .....

The Shaky Salver

He stepped out of an Autorickshaw in front of the large Iron Gate which slid open as he approached it. A condescending look from the guard would have been enough for him to turn on his heal and run in the opposite direction but that was twenty years ago. It did not deter him now. Though it made him acutely aware of his appearance. Clad in a checkered shirt, a bottle green trousers he would have qualified to be fashionable in 1980's, his appearance was distinctly middle-class. He smiled to himself thinking what the guard must be going through letting such a lowly creature pass.
A few dragged steps brought him to the porch the shinning silver sign announcing he had arrived at the Ritz-Carlton. The few patrons lingering around at afternoon were judging him by the look. Sarcasm twisted his thin lips into a smile. The vanity was not new to him but its wide spread tentacles were something he could never understand. As he stepped towards the lobby through the metal detectors he noticed the guard looking at him with disgust. The gatekeeper did not even move to open the door. The old man leaned on the door pushing it with all his failing strength. No sooner did he step inside the lobby than a smartly clad young man approached him and said. " Excuse me sir, but i am going to have to ask you to get the right footwear to come inside the hotel" with a sharp look towards his leather chappals. The old man could make out the mugged up line coming from the young man. His accent betrayed his look and the man guessed he must be the security supervisor no more educated than secondary schooling and no more important in the social fabric than he. " I am here to meet my son, he is .... " Said the old man only to be cut off by the security man " I am sorry . Meine Kya kaha woh shayad aapko samazh nahi aaya. Chappal pehenke yaham aana mana he. Visitor gate us taraf he. Aur agar aap supplier he toh bahar jake phone karo office me tab andar aane milega ... " " Par ... me supplier nahi aur naahi ....." " Yaar, you dont understand or what ? This is not a place for people like you. Go get yourself a pair of shoes first. !!! Now GO GET OUT. "

At the same time, the doorman swung the door open to startle the old man. A man stepped inside the hotel with a Gym bag slung on his back. The security guard noticed his arrival and wished him a good evening. The old man noticed he was wearing a pair of shorts and slippers. Hardly an attire to get admission into the Ritz renowned for its traditional hospitality.

" Old man, I am telling you you cannot enter this hotel without a pair of shoes. " " But the man you just wished evening was wearing shorts and slippers .... "

"DO you know who he is ? .... Clearly not .... He is the owner of Tara Industries! Chota Mota admi nahi. Like you. Now please leave I have other things to take care of .... "


A big suit clad figure was descending the stairs. The man looked perfectly in place at such a hotel. He stepped closer to the guard trying to over hear the conversation yet managing to stay out of sight. As the man took in the scene unfolding in front of him.

He stepped in and said." Good evening sir. "

" Sir ? I mean good evening sir. I was just trying to explain the gentleman that we don't admit people inside the hotel without proper attire. Though I don't think this is a matter that a General Manager like you should involve yourself with. I'll take care of it. "

Ignoring the interjection from the security man the General Manager hugged the old man.

" Its so nice to have one of our ex-general manager come over and spend an evening with us. "

The scowl faded from the security mans face and replaced itself with a look of utter shock.
A broad smile appeared on the old mans face making it wrinkle more.

" Son, you didn't have to put that poor man through such a misery he was only doing his job! "

Dark Side of the town

CHAPTER I


I walked into the small smoke filled room to find Meera plonked on a fluffy bean bag surrounded by the usual uptown magazines, cigarette butts and miniatures of an assortment of alcohol. I rolled my eyes. This wasn't the first time i had found her like that. I saw her bright red uniform with KF airline badge lying on the only chair available in the room. i picked it up folded it neatly and tucked it away in her cupboard." Hey that's the first time I am seeing u picking after me. U know its kinda nice once in a while when u do it. So how do u feel being me ? u know .." She said exhaling another cloud of smoke. " Stop it i pick up after myself u know when i need to and besides i needed the chair and i don't want you fussing over the press in the middle of the night." I quipped playing down the new found sense of responsibility.
I, met Meera at a restaurants. We had started going out after months of knowing each other. I guess we both needed the rebound. I was rebounding from a resignation and she was i guess always rebounding between boyfriends. She had recently moved in with me after moving back to Mumbai. We both were more friends than in a live-in. I guess both of us had had enough of clingy, commitment riddled involvements were more than happy to be in a best friends with benefits in a live-in relationship. Though she had been born in Mumbai Meera had lived more on a plane than under a roof for the past 6 years. As far as i was concerned i was more accustomed to living in the office as for the more than a decade an a half i had worked 14hours a day slept 4 drank for 2 hours and well u don't need to know about the other 4 hours of the day. Having quit my job recently i moved back to Mumbai, my home.

So coming back to that day. I threw my back pack in the corner of the room and snatched the cigarette out of Meera's hand and drew a long much awaited drag. Meera picked herself up brought a glass and poured a stiff one for me and asked " So Mr. I-wanna-break-from-work Socialworker how were your wanderings today ?? Where did you go exactly ? I cant even remember the name of the place?"
Well i went to Imam Wada. thinking not that it would have made any bells rings in her head but none the less i had to impress that my travel was more exotic than it really was.
"Yeah, right. So what about his Imam Wada did you really find what you had been looking for?"
Snatching a cigrette from a pack lying nearby i took my time to answer the question as the images and sound of the day flashed in front of my eyes. i rubbed my eyes carefully thinking how i was going to tell her all that had happened that day. I took a drag and started narrating.

Well it seems so strange that the more of the world you see around you the less you seem to understand it or far worse feel a part of it. Today i saw but a fraction of Mumbai but understood its soul. I walked the dingy lanes which were long forgotten, the people who we thought had ceased to exist but a hundred years ago. i realized that i MAZHI Mumabai is not MAZHI but AAPLi the Mumbai I call mine is not mine but ours.
"What the hell are you talking out ..." she interjected helping me snap out of my somber philosophical mood.
"Well sorry bout that ...."
"Its OK." she said
"As i had told you I walked outta the house today to experience something new. I seems like staying is the last thing i can manage these days. I had longed for the free air and bustling crowds. I don't really mind the sweat and the stench that bothers many including you. I am more of a common man. I felt this sudden rush of life you know. when you seem to have been caged for too long and suddenly let fly. I breathed free , i observed with a free mind i loved the most simple things today like the red color of the train bogeys I've never seen that read anywhere else. I wanted to feel free today i wanted to do things which i hadn't been able to do as a youngster living with his parents. I wanted to see and enjoy what i called the dark side of Mumbai !!!!

Where Do We Draw The Line

There are times when you stumble upon a song quite unexpected. And before the outro is played you've already been hit by a train. The hearts pounding and the breathe is erratic. The world is blurry with your mind rushing forward at break neck speed in an intellectual hyper-drive. These bits of musical expression rarely find the mass approval but that's not the point. Its inexplicable as to how a mirage of speeding images of what was, is and what never happened flashes before your eyes and all in a matter of 4 minutes.

Here is one of those songs ....

Its by Poets of the fall called where do we draw the line.
The video posted is from the Movie Twilight Though i only selected it cause it would probably appeal to the masses.




On your palm an endless wonder
Lines that speak the truth without a sound
In your eyes awaits the tireless hunger
Already looks for prey to run down

So why do we keep up this charade
How do we tell apart the time to leave from the time to wait

What does tomorrow want with me
What does it matter what I see
If it can't be my design
Tell me where do we draw the line

The dance of flames and shadows in the street
Make poetry nobody's ever heard
The weight of loneliness stands on your feet
The cage already there around the bird

So why don't we join the masquerade
Before it all falls apart before our love becomes in satiate

What does tomorrow want with me
What does it matter what I see
If I can't choose my own design
Tell me where do we draw the line

Where's the cooling wind
Where's the evergreen field
Where's my mother's open arms
Where's my father lion-heart
S'like the sun's gone down
Sleeps in the hallowed ground now
With the autumn's browns leaves
With the one who never grieves

What does tomorrow want with me
What does it matter what I see
If we all walk behind the blind
Tell me where do we draw the line

Whatever tomorrow wants from me
At least I'm here, at least I'm free
Free to choose to see the signs
This is my line

The Lost and Found .....

Today out of the blue a dear friend returned to me what I had thought to be lost forever. I realised the importance of what was lost as they say after I had lost it. It was a collection of a bunch of songs I had written a few years ago. Unfortunately I suffer from a writers shame. I cannot publish everything i write cause i am a little shy of these works and the feelings that they depict. By publishing them tonight i plan to overcome that feeling. ( I get really embarrassed if people who know me read any of my work. I manage a few compliments but it rarely does any good to the confidence.) Anyway here is to the first steps .... of my writing songs.

Disclaimer- this is the work of a 17 year old who has mirrored his state of mind through these half written songs .... bear with him as he bears the burden of being himself !!!



Do me a Favour
Do me a favour drop dead
Do me a favour end up in hell
Do it for me do it for the love
Hang urslef to dry thts wht I say

Ur sight makes me sick
Ur I m back sounds like a curse
I don’t wanna talk bout ur hopes and pain
I can do without u in my life

Ur breath turns to smoke
Ur hope ur death by a fast stroke
Dot disappoint me don’t jus survive
I m jus waiting for undertaker to arrive

Down in the coffin u look so beautiful
Eyes closed with flowers in hand
Reply


Say that you need me


Verse 1
I don’t know what I should do for her
Seems u to need no help
I’ve walked mile from my side
why does your mile seems jus one step

verse 2
I try to convice I’m conman
Pretending to be footloose
Hope u never believed what I said
But I’ll leave that for u to choose

Sometimes I get scared of holding u too close
Sometimes I feel I m holding too tight holding too long
Sometimes your body is all that I want

Verse 3
someday you’ll see the best in me
something tells me its gonna b soon
till that time hold me close to u
say that we can chase the moon

chorus
say that need me make me c the light
make me dance in the rain baby hold on tight






Heart of an atheist

Locked up inside me is the anger of a liar
Bound by the chains of humanity
Is the rage and fire of a faithless
Why do I lock myself in me feeling so hopeless
Why cant I notice the beauty of a full moon
I can c it travel across the window the night came so soon

In the heart of a faithless there seems no light
In the heart of an atheist there’s no hope alive

Is it just me or is the world which is going wrong
Y do I keep askin me the question why’s the feeling so strong?
An age seems to have passed since I was free
All I remember of it is the mountain and tree
All these doubts could my senses is this philosophy or insanity?????

So when the atheist decides to bow down against his will
The fight was in vain the point started out in him
Though his spirit doesn’t accept the defeated thoughts
The practical mind just arugues back wht treasures it bought
Torn in this fight of mind and matter

My Own Prison

Sitting here on my bed
The door locked behind me
With watery eyes, and pain
An age of anger bottled inside me

My own room
My own prison
My own feelings
Painted so crimson


Putting my self down for sake of peace
Fightin an enemy who’s so mine
I have to let it go but its breaking my spine


With a will that can crumble
I walk out with head held high
Facing the world, jus bout to stumble
My screams end in a sigh



I Feel Your Love


I like to walk in the dark
Cause no one can see me
I keep away from people
So tht no one can feel me
I don’t want you to tell
Am I right or wrong

They’ve pulled me down
They’ve kept me back
I used to be me
But now he’s gone

But then you came along
Like a cool mountain breeze
U melted my heart away
An all my pains they freeze

I feel your love
I still feel some pain
Stay long enough baby
I’m sure they’ll go away

I feel u here
Touch ur lips so warm
If we hold on together
I m sure We’ll sail thru the storm

I look into your eyes
An I know I’ve hurt you
Even if I beg u too hard
You wont kill me , will you ?


Am I holding too tight
Am I making u fight
That’s destiny for u…… my love


The last one was actually written to an ex girlfriend and its the closest to my heart and of all these songs written I missed it the most. Actually that is a really funny story but may be I'll write about it some other time.

Just warming up my finger ....

Well as i notice that the last time i put my fingers on the keyboard it was the winter of 2008 and boy look at this ... its been over a year and a half now .... wow so without further a due i shall start warming up my finger.... the delhi frost has thickened over my creative pool of thoughts and on the tips of my fingers so please pardon a few bullshit blogs .....
so to sum up the year and a half in the next few lines i would say that i have had a tough sordid time in delhi ... apart from one point of view .... i learned a lot ... questioned many of my values and decided to drop many more morals .... its such a baggage to carry around. I ready many blogs these days which are ritten my people who are utterly confused but in all their blogs the moral beacon of good indian values shines through and by the way who taught us all this ?? well lets not go into that ..... but my point being that these morals and values dont mean a thing if u havent questioned them and then decided to hold on. But then again i m no one to say drop ur morals .... i m more like do what u want just know this for a fact that as we all grow we either drop our morals or pick them up .... morals are like the new line of Gucci .... they are picked up one winter and dropped the next autumn .....

A Long Hibernation

My Intellectual life seems to have gone in a long hibernation. Much to my dislike it seems like its goin to be tht way for a long time to come . I seem to be undergoing a subtle change from what i was to wht i m and to the predicted future. Seems like delhi and the hopitality environ in which i m working in is twisting me in a way tht doesnt seem very apparent on the surface but has deeper repercussion at a deeper level. These days i m living quite an on-the-edge lifestyle with everynight partying and tht sorta thing. It has become an ever pressing agenda of taking control of my life. Starting off on a tangent it seems like my worklife is not really going at its best i have to realise that i lack the basic leadership qualities or rather the aura of a leader which makes comrades follow you. I think i need sum deep intuitional insight to make me overcome this problem, yeilding to others cud be a possible reason. I want to act like a stuck up bastard and hold my ground but everytime i think of doing so i dont know if my stand is reasonable or about the things which i am set to loose .. its frustrating .....
more over i have lost my eye for the keen observations which i had once been proud of . it seems by the passing day i m turing into a superficial person whose only concerns are impressing ppl. and getting things done his way even if it means selling ur soul.
i dont know wht things i believe in anymore. wonder ever so often if i have any principles in life by which i'd stand thru thick and thin..... i wonder so often where i have lost myself ???

Unlearn !!!!! Part 1

As a continuation of many of those posts which i have written advocating the whole leberation of thoughts and ideas i stumbled upon thi word ... " UNLEARN ". Again as my Guru says disclaim what is not yours ( which includes most thing ) here is the latest disclaimer . I came across this word during a drunken reverie with a friend of mine . I guess i was too drunk to remember exactly where the conversation had begun but i rememeber this word from the conversation.
UNLERN !!!!!!
Have your ever thought how important it is to learn ??? i m sur all of us have very strong views emphasizing its importance. But as my beliefs in sufism tell me ... there is more to unlearn before u can learn ....... Think of it this way, when we were a kid our sense of vision told us that the ground under our feet looked flat . based on that we believed that the earth was flat . But when we went to school we were tought tht the earth was a sphere and how it rotated around itself and so on .. in this whole new learning process we subconciously unlearnt the whole theory of earth being flat ....
Similarly i think there is a need to understand that many of our so called value need to be unlearnt to live in this ever changing and complicated world that we live in . Many of them we have but there is a need for more of that change .
For instance thw way middle class looks at mall culture is with a lot of resentment which cannot be faulted either but its not the only truth there is a need to look at it from a different perspective. Even more than the need to change is the realisation that change cannot be haled and we need to change according to the world around us .....
I know so many friends of mine who dispise smoking and boozing. Agreed its a health hazard but does anyone give heed to the psychological need for such thing... i mean come on dont u think when defend the antismoking thingy so vehemently and still see people smoking that u need to realise the other take on this situation !!!! this is not just about antisocial habits there is more to the issue that meets the eye ... there is a growing need to accept other cultures other value in the globalised scenario. Here i would like to quote another example of my dearest friend when he went to UK for his last yrof education he found it very difficult to live with people with different set of values. Hence the quick fix cure for all such problems UNLEARN !!!!!

Happiness is Not Where You Seek It

This is a very fulfilling time as a blogger with loads of time on my hand and little work to be attended to. I have been spending much of the time doing nothing, reading books is one of those NOTHINGS that i do. I am reading a Book by Idries Shah the same author from whose earlier works i have posted one of the blogs. Here is another one of his stories which i found very appealing due to ( quite obviously ) circumstances with a lot of cribbing and wailing people around me ( i used to be one of them even now i guess i do indulge myself in some of that foolish fun ). This ones dedicated to all the bloggers who use blogging as a medium of expression of utter frustration and simple boredom.

So the story goes like this.....
Nasrudin saw a man sitting disconsolately at the way-side and asked what ailed him.
' There is nothing of interest in life, brother,' Said the man; ' I have sufficient capital not to have to work, and I am on this trip only in order to seek somthing more interesting than the life I have at home. So far I haven't found it.'
Without another word, Nasrudin seized the travellers's knapsack and made off down the road with it, running like a hare. Since he knew the area, he was able to out-distance him.
The road curved, and Nasrudin cut acros several loops, with the result that he was soon back on the road ahead of the man whom he had robbed. He put the bag by the side of the road and waited in concelament for the other to catch up.
Presently the miserable traveller appeared, following the tortuous road, more unhappy than ever because of his loss. As soon as he saw his property lying there , he ran towards it, shouting with joy.
'That's one way of producing happiness,'said Nasrudin.
There is much to be interpreted from this story but like the good old Mr. Shah i shall leave it to your judgement.

Letters From Iwo Jima ... the letters for humanity ..

Movies have a way of making a great impact on me . As a medium, it moves me the most. To tell stories with such earnestness deserves to be applauded but let me not start singing seranades about the medium. So getting back to the topic at hand .. I happened to see this amazing movie called Letters From Iwo Jima directed by my favourite director Clint Eastwood.
Its a story of a battle which was fought in the early 1945 on the volcanic island of Iwo Jima.
The movie tells the story of the battle from the Japanese side where as its prequel ( Flags of our fathers , another good one ) tells a story of the battle from the American side.
It basically revolves around the soldiers of the Japanese light infentory who had to make a stand on that island and their sacrifices, their fears and hopes and on a larger canvas the futility of war .. the transformation of ordinary men into heroes and the gentle whispers of those who died in that war ... heroes everyone of them. It truely moved me in the sense, that it made me realise that the heroes we all worship, are not some superhuman figures ... they are as human as we are ,they feel the same things as we do .. even when i think of my enemies, i wish that i could treat them with the same humanity that i would treat my friends with. It has just been raising too many questions in my mind, and i seem to be thoroughly enjoying answering them .. But the most important lesson which i've learned from this movie is that at the end of it fear, courage, anger, vengence are all present in the human mind the sooner we accept that we really are the epitome of everything we realise that Heroes are we , villains are we, God is also in us and so do we house our own devils and demons.

On a lighter note

Hey almost a month since i last blog .. and looking at the lst one i cant believe that i was so depressed a month ago .
May 2008 has been an amazing month so far .. and promises to be even more exciting. It started off with an excellent trekk to himachal. Sar Pass ... truely an excellent place to to be. Had plenty of fun with my trekking group. I cant imagine how close thse pals have become . Its like hitesh said

" Kaaen Bar Yun bhi hua he safar mein

Achanak se do ajnabi mil gaye ho

Jise ruh pehchanti ho azal( eternity) se

bhatakte bhatakte wahin mil gaye ho"

Sumtimes u meet strangers along the road and u feel as if u've known them from eternity and just by some coincidence you happen to bump into them at that point of time. I met a very nice girl on the trekk. It was the same feeling . I never had believed in love at first sight but like most of my opinions this one had to be changed too .
The trekk by itself was an amazing journey through panoramic views of the himalays but what more it turned out to be a journey through many intrinsic topics many profound ones.
As an overview it has certainly endowed me with better understanding of the world around the world of humans the world where emotions turn into storms and spirits are cleansed by inspiration .
It is a journey that i have just embarked upon there is much to learn there is much to see but i m glad of one fact atleast i start today ....

Going Towards and away from it ........

Seems like the ex effect did change me in many ways . Then there were the exams which seem to have had their profound effect on me. Can't deny the hundreds of cigrettes and hundreds of those whiskey shots their fair share in this glorious disharmony in which i find myself. It seems like my hunger for philosophical knowledge grows by the day i yearn for good conversations mostly on a serious things but then even with all this i have a feeling that i am going away from the very basis which forms the " truth " People. i dont feel like striking any conversations whith them most of the time i have a feeling tht they dont see what i want to show them and end up getting entangled in the superficials. I get misinterpreted and misunderstood more often than not. Why do people look at life with the goggles of morals and values and the things that have been tought to them to be percieved. I mean can'y u tell what u feel like ?? or dont u have the balls to accpet wht u feel is the real thing ?? cant i feel like drunk ?? and if i do why do i do it or dont do it ? giving in , sorry i dont thing tht giving in the way i'd want to put it . Well what i mean is if i feel like doin sumthing and it doesnt harm anyone in anyway then why shud i b restrained from it ? Why should people percieve and make up opinions based on the mere irrelevencies of words ??? i thought actions spoke louder than words ... but i guess thats only on a sports field
Well i feel quite disgusted at the moment to think about how deeply did my ex affect me. I hate to admit it but she did change me in more ways than i should have let her .... but now i think i m stuck between two worlds the world of superficial things and the glossy coverpages, beneath which lies the rotten selfcentric and terribly moraless selfishness and the world where all of this exists but atleast no attempt is made to cover it and hence it gives a more realistic a more acceptable demeanor . I think my quest for the wisdom and the intricacies of human mind, the socio-psychological causanity has really made me go in circle. I find myself not believin in anything anymore i dont trust anything i dont know which the firm base on which to fall back upon . All seems to b so abstract and so pointless that i dont even care about anything or anyone anymore ...............................
wht the fuck is wrong with me ???????????
why the hell am i up at 2.48 am and riting this bull crap .... i think i need sum sleep
i think there is nothing in the world a good night's sleep cant cure i think richa was rite when she said i m diseased !!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

this story from another compilation by idries shah,
has me in ecstatic splits since morning,
and so i labour to share it with you:
hariri always tried to behave in as exemplary a manner as possible.
he acquired such a reputation for correct conduct that a certain merchant who had to go on a journey chose him as the obvious person with whom to entrust the welfare of his beautiful slave girl.
But hariri developed a passion for the girl. he went to haddad, his sufi preceptor, and asked him for his advice.
haddad said: 'go to yusuf, son of husain.'
when hariri approached the place where yusuf was to be found,people said:
' do not go near the son of husain, pious man, for he has a bad reputation, is a heretic and a wine drinker.'
not believing this, hariri arrived at yusuf's door, where he saw, sure enough, yusuf was sitting with a young boy and a flask of wine.
hariri at once said to yusuf:
'what is the meaning of this behaviour?'
yusuf said, reading his thoughts:
'i behave like this in appearance, because it prevents people entrusting their beautiful slaves to my keeping.

As Written By Mr. MULLAH ( MY GURU ) in a mail .....
i m just copy pasting it here with all due respect to him

I am thoroughly confused !!!!!!

I never imagined in my entire life that i'll be confused . I've always been the one with strong opinions about everything and hence i always thought i knew everything about the world even in terms of my feeling i always knew what is it that i exactly i feel what is the best course of action in that case .
But lately i've found it increasingly difficult to be sure of anything. Even the words which i want to use in a conversation. I mean i've never been articulate but then i've never found myself short of words ....... but lately ...
I think its the effect of all the abstract thinkng i've been doing. It is the effect of my new found and implemented theory of "everythign is abstract in life." I realise that objectivism is so much part of our life.
But that is not the point. I find myself going back to many memories which i thought i had long buried and its not nostalgia either. The feeling which i get is of satisfaction and peace but then i find yself wishing that they had lasted a little longer. These memories seem like the never ending trekking trails that i m so used to. They never seem to end and then like a new canvas being unfolded you suddenly find yourself atop the mountain that u had been clibing. But what if that trail itself was what u wanted and that the experience of climbing is what mattered to you, wht if u cudnt care less if u reached the mountain ........
To b honest down here i have travelled on many such paths, but i never found someone to walk them with. I have been walking. Walking through many troubled times, many frustrations, many a new starts, I never have found anyone who'd hold my hand and say dont worry i m there if u need help. Soneone who'd be ther by his own choice and not outta pity or obligation or favour of any sorts .......
and unlike the post seems without a central theme or anything specific to tell . I have much to say but i dont know where to start and where to end ......
Start ...... (sigh) starting all over again has become such an integral part of my life .......

i rite this post with teary eyes
hoping for someone to hear my cries
there is much to me than meets the eye
nother drop rolls down i heave a sigh

there is much misery around me
more in mens heart than they see
i feal the fear grippin me
is it them or am i scaring me

look inside your head look inside your heart
look in me look in that childs heart.
there is much to me than meets the eye
nother drop rolls down i heave a sigh.

it seems like a prison i wanna break free
i have grown the wings but where is the key
too this cage ! from

..........i just hope to be set free soon it seems that everyday of this prison fills a litre of poison in my heart ... tho i think of the jailor with all the compassion that ever resided in me but the atrocities cannot b ignored ........ even with all the idealistic bullshit u still feel the pain and that pain sumtime builds so much that u retaliate. Coming to the end of this post i wrote this poem quite impulsively and instictively and which is wht i cant figure out a title for it . i dont wanna name it the cliched titles like my prison or break free i think i m goin to call it the FALLEN STAR since these emotions were very much inspired by the song MAA from taare zameen par

The Pitcher !!!!!!!

I happen to stumble across this sufi story ..... its a story of Mullah Nasiruddin a famous sufi philosopher ........
so without much adeu we shall ger rite down to it
Once a diciple of Mulla Nasiruddin wanted the Mulla to teach him evrything that the Mulla knew ... but according to Sufism knowledge not sumthin that is entirely based on facts its more about the process of learnin than the facts themselves.So in order to teach the deciple this fact about learning the mulla took him to a well he carried a pitcher with him . the mulla drew water from the well poured it in the pitcher. He poured bucket after bucket into the pitcher but the pitcher wont ger filled. Clearly annoyed by Mulla's absent minded behaviour the deciple pointed out " Mulla, There is no bottom to the pitcher." The mulla replied "What has the bottom got to do with the pitcher being filled ? I have a pitcher when i will see the water reaching to the neck i will stop pouring." The deciple got the messege that in order to learn one must know how to learn. Without knowing who we really are one cannot really make any sense out of trying to understand the world.
Introspection is the only way to enlightenment.

This story in many ways has had its profound effect on me. Sumwhere in that giest of life i have found many answers to my misery, anxiety, pain and suffering.
If that was not enought i have more importantly found the true meaning of compassion.
And may be even love.
I rite this blog with a break up with my long term girlfriend to paint the background black.
But i also rite this blog with a deeper understanding of her actions, my anger towards her ( which seems to have sumdued itself ) and hopefuly an enlightening understanding of ME

The Journey

I stepped into a new world

Went to college, feeling hurt about lost
friends, apprehensive bout making more
holdin on to worng people
till i came across you

we hit it off like guitar an drums
we rocked the world, fell the goose bumps

life makes a full circle , a circle not in vain
a circle made up of joy and pain
a journey i'd take again ,a journey i'd take agen
take again , take again

its a journey i never whished to find
destination, the longer we go on the
harder its to move on

End of a journey start off anew
i kept walking waiting for you
you never made me wait made me wait

A JOURNEY ENDS A NEW ONE STARTS
LIKE ALL GREAT JOURNEYS BREAKING A FEW HEARTS

Learning to Fly

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted Just an earth-bound misfit, I

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to guide my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone

A soul in tension that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, A state of bliss
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I



Well Music has aways been an influential force in my life
the lyrics of this particular song are sumthing i can totaly relate to. Sometimes i wonder if we twist our reality to suit our thinking or perception of life ???
and last but not least here is a salute to those greart musicians for evoking such ethreal feelings

An Era passes by

well i havn't been a regular blogger so this might be a rusty stagnated blog of sorts ... kindly pardon me ..

so coming back to the topic after solemn appologies . Its a been a rollercoster month this one moments seem to last long but days seem to zip by me and years oooh they just zoom past faster than the speed of sound. There has been a lot happening in life really at times very turbulent at times frustrating but at the same time i've also managed to find some joy in small and simple things . Largely due to certain influences in my life . One thing i most certaily hav realised is that i m extremely sensitive to certain people but when the affection wanes away i can b equaly harsh an at times cold .

But then i cannot forget that those people who are very close to me . Only a couple of days ago my best pal went to UK for further studies whatever he may say bout coming back to India in all fairness i know the chance is slim and i don't mind it atall. He has a life of his own i cannot hold onto him too long. Though at the same time i cant help but feel nostalgic an shed a few silent tears when the realisation sinks in that a pillar in your life has suddenly vanished.
The time i have spent with his was absolutely fantastic, The laughs the movies the idle hours

A friend walked on
Before i could blink an eye
Oh an Era has passed by

Relative Reality

It was a long time ago when i started my blog , an it was a search for whatever they call reality .... though it was a very subconsious effort . This very interesting concept or theory sprung up in my mind about a couple of days ago .
I'd been out for a bit of drive to Panvel and the nearby area , which is just about 70 km away from Mumbai but is absolutely contrasting. Mumbai as we see it has all come down to a whore trying to look like aishwarya rai . The glitz and glam of bollywood , the shining neons of the the million malls glimmering so sensually to attract the mindless flocks to its glittering darkness ( a topic i shall elaborate in my next blog )
and picture this green hills, the moutains which hav been standing tall for a million years they're beauty intriguing, and not to forget the people who give this land its beauty, the hard faced watery eyed and caring farmers, just 70 km from the great city of mumbai..
the relative reality i want to illustrate here is all bout the people livin in these two completely different scenario.
and hence i put forth my theory of relative reality
its very simple i believe tht there is a reality which exists for every person on this earth every man chooses his own reality and accepts it ......
sumtimes poverty may b a reality for someone for sumone it may b a heartbreak for sumone it may b family.......
no one can understand the others reality completely nor can the y live in it or with it ........
so we hav our own lil reality which we accept an live our life ....... and this reality changes with time an all the different realities which hav been tied to the swaying boat called the human life come together to tell the story of tht life ....... these realities make us wht we are and we will be