Master of Cats

Dear The-Girl-I-Have-Never-Met,

I hope your boss is not as unhappy with you as you are with yourself. As always, my advice is the same, don't be too hard on yourself.

Being an Ivy League college and one of the best if not 'The Best' hospitality colleges in the world we tend to attract some pretty big names to deliver guest lectures on leadership. I had the opportunity to listen to Lee Pilsbury, a hugely successful entrepreneur with an empire worth billions of dollars. I like Mr. Pilsbury, he is a old tough cookie, extremely successful, single minded and above all arrogant as hell. I like arrogant ones. But the ones who have made it on their own. He was talking about managing people and how he used to be called the 'Golden Hammer' that the whole of Marriott used to know him by ( he loves that name ). How he would be harsh on the people around him, How he would weed out the non performers and make the ones willing to take the humiliation in their own stride to move up the corporate ladder. But when he became an entrepreneur, something dawned upon him. He was no longer leading a multi-national with almost unlimited resources. He had to make do with what he had. He had months of frustration trying to manage the non-motivated, under-payed and nearly talent or ambition less workforce he had in his small company.

One day, he went to visit his father in law ( a very successful corporate honcho himself.) They were sitting in their comfortable living room with Mr. Father-In-Law's pet cats swarming around the whole place. Apparently he had a lot of them. A cat hater himself Mr. Pilsbury was amused to see so many of them in one house. If you know anything about cats, they are not really the most obedient domestic animals around, something that drives a number of people up the wall. So looking at his son in laws expression the father-in-law says," Hey I love cats, they are the best pets to have around and I have the most obedient bunch around. Thats what makes them awesome." so young Lee goes,: Are you outta your mind? Cats ? Obedient ? Old age seems to be catching up with you."

The father in law chuckles expecting this exact reaction and says," Look here Lee," walks over to the door where a cat is just about to leap out of the cat door into the front lawn and says," Getta here you bitch." walks over to the food bowl left for the cats and there is another vicious black cat approaching it," Eat that!!!', Walks back to the front door where one of his favorite cat is scratching the door, opens the door and says." Where have you been? Get in here right now!!!'

All the cats had done exactly what he told them right? Thus the old man walks up to Lee and says," See, what did I tell ya!!!. They all follow my orders!!" The point of the whole story was. People act most of the times in a consistent way. Even inconsistent ones are consistent their inconsistencies. People do what they like to do. And people can only be pushed so far to do things that are not in their nature to do. Or sometimes people just don't see the world the way you do. But one has to live in a society that requires these people interaction on different levels, be it an organisation, a tiny office, your innocuous bhaji wala or your family. One needs to understand what people around him/her are going to do.

Coming back to the conversation on Whatsapp, your junior is incompetent, she does not take initiative. You have already tried to coach her and make her a better professional. If all else fails and her under-performance in consistent, it means she is just not cut out to make it big. I have no doubt that she can change her ways. But its a difficult task. As far as you are concerned, sometimes your harshness comes from a incompetencies, sometimes its just a magnified reflection of your own state of mind. If she can't perform don't expect her to. Just assign her work in small loads. Places where we work with people, our performance is judged on the performance of our teams. So tell the cat exactly what is in her nature to do. I hope this cheers you up a bit. You just need to believe in yourself.

Cheers

Nutee's

Kitchen Confidential Inspired

All things begin with something that is so emotionally charged that you know the strom is on the way and its going to fucking blow your pants away. So this is a new series I am thinking of writing. It is just an effort that would hopefully keep The-Girl-Have-Never-Met-But-Am-Head-Over-Heels-In-Love-With interested in me. Its something that hopefully I'll be more deligent about actually completing. So it starts with a solemn vow made over an email and here it is.

Dear The-Girl-Have-Never-Met-But-Am-Head-Over-Heels-In-Love-With,

It seems every time I talk to you, I run out of time more quickly than I run out of topics. The distance is something that gives me this sudden sense of urgency and a sense of you might slip away when I am not looking. Anyway, I am also taking this as a personal errand to get back to writing more often than I have in the past. It's perhaps a great way to document personal and cultural experiences. I think I have been rather fortunate to have had the opportunity to visit all these places and experience the local sights, sounds, foods and people at such close quarters. You can choose to humor it all and let it slide or reply and let me know what's happening at your end.

Over the years I have realized that the experiences positive or negative have deep rooted connections with your own state of mind. It is extremely difficult to remember those external factors that contribute in making those moments into memories, forever cherished or forever regretted. I'll try to join those dots that are molding my thoughts and with them the experiences that I go through.

Before I begin to narrate my daily-diary routine, I would like to put it down that this whole thing was actually inspired by Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. I think as a hospitality professional one comes across a number of characters from all levels of the socio-economic strata, some from the backwaters of a lost part of the country where opportunities as sparse as the hope of change, some from such privileged backgrounds that abundance is the only experience they have ever experienced. However, all of these people in their paradoxical connectivity make the world around us such a wonderfully diverse place. I am trying to document those that I have casual acquaintance with and the one's who have a profound effect, those who you always saw in the corridors but never spoke to and those who became friends forever.

I am also trying to document the literature and art that opens those hidden windows that one finally derives a meaning of life from. Collectively this is the memoir of a compulsive traveler.

Cheers

Nutees

Adhuri Kavita ...

In palkon pe moti meine pehle nahi dekhe ...

in aanzhon ki roshni kabhi itni nahi zhalki,

is dil se baat ek muddat se ho rahi he,

is daud me aaj ek arse ke baad ruken he

Guru Mantra

Going on a different tangent from the original theme of this blog ( which was to rant away about things that i question) this post is about management.

The Master Strategist of the Indian History- Chanakya

Here are some of his golden rules. Read on.

1)"Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves!!"
2)"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and Honest people are screwed first."
3)"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
4)"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you."

5)"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
6)" Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."

7)"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
8)"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."
9)"Once you start working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."

10)"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
11)"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple."
12) "A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
13) "Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."

‎14) "Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
15) "Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person."
16) "Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth."

Me....

It seems life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. May be its just meant to be lived for the moment. May be it is something that needs to be planned meticulously so that each moment can be lived to the fullest. So they keep telling me. Me? I can't make up my mind. May be its just that I don't know when the fine balance is struck. I don't know when it's time to say enough. They say I am ambitious. They say I have no clue. They think I brilliant. They think I am a curse on this earth. Me ? I don't know whom to listen to.

They say being free weightless is the true measure of freedom. True nirvana is attained when one is free of all that holds the being to this world. Then they say that weight is not the worst thing to happen to our being. It brings us closer to the earth it brings us in contact with our root. Don't all lovers wish be to weighed down with their lovers body into a warm soft place of submission. Me ? I like to dominate too. I like to do so many things. Sometimes the problem of plenty is the worst curses that the humans were cursed with. The potential like the seven seas that cannot be conquered in one life time. When do we start? What do we do? Where do we end up? Whom do we take the journey with? So many questions that have no definitive answer. Me? I am in search of that answer.....

Aazaadiyan

Azzaadiyaan .....Freedom, a word, a thought an idea or an ideal. I remember half a life talking about my innate need for it. Although today when I sit down here to talk about it, i find my thoughts fairly clouded. Freedom .... what is it about it that makes half the middle east rise up in protest !! What defines it moulds it makes it so dear to us that the sacrifice of life seems like a small price to pay. Yet there seems to be more than just one kind of freedom and many a times the burning desire to attain it comes from some obscure oppression and denial of this right to act on ones free will. Is freedom that ? acting on ones free will ? that question brings to light what is free will in the first place ? I believe that freedom about choices. Having them even if you may not necessarily choose them or try out where each one takes you.

The theme to this blog originated in the music album of the Film "UDAAN", a brilliant take on the freedom and a choices. But what is it about freedom that makes it so necessary for us to attain. Be it the financial freedom that all youngsters are looking for so that they can go out party all night or be it political freedom that leads many misguided idealists to overthrow oppressive governments only to be replaced by someone worse. Its a open ended question everyone's free to answer it. What is freedom for you ? and why do you need it so much ??

Here's something to get the thoughts going ....

The Long Journey ...

HE found himself staring out of a window of a old rackety window ... he felt moving side to side without any apparent rhythm. His eyes held a fluid reflection of one green tree, albeit only for a moment only to be replaced by another. The reflections didn't stop. The trees did not stop. But he seemed not to look at the trees but somewhere far beyond them, somewhere deep and someplace that was so removed, so out of reach that he had a tough time recollecting its shape or size or the colors of its walls. But now he felt no walls around ... His sight had turned inside himself. He was trying to understand the serenity of these lush green trees. He couldn't help thinking these lines from his favorite John Denver song. It was true what good old John had sung in the song. The serenity did lie inside him, without the feelings trapped inside him the trees were mere convoluted shapes. The color was just a light of a horribly sterile sounding wavelength.

He looked deeper still. Things were dark still but he could make out a strange form. It was a young boy running toward the wooded hills. He looked hard, tried to remember who the boy was. The boy wore a t-shirt that looked hauntingly familiar. It didn't take him long to recognize the boy. Someone he once knew but knew not where he had been lost or when. He thought to himself when did the boy grew up ... he couldn't remember the day the suit became the boy's identity and he knew nothing of the day when the boy stopped dancing. It clearly bothered him. It made him angry. Shut his eyes only to swallow the ethereal reflections of the trees ... It only made him more mad !!! The trees reappeared in the reflections of his eyes ... That seemed to calm him considerably. He remembered the day when he only a 8 year old boy had run towards those beautiful hills. That very moment the darkness lifted only a bit. He had found the moment that made the trees so pretty. He had found a piece of himself lost long ago ... drowsed by multiple layers of experiences memories.

As the bus suddenly halted he gathered his bearing. Picked up his knapsack slid out of his seat and walked into another journey of self realization.

Snippets of a Wonderful Journey !!

I have had one of the most enriching experience travelling to Karnataka. Here are just a few spinets of that wonderful trip. This is my best photography work by far. I have also tried my hand at Black and white photography intensively after being impressed by the work of John McCullen, a British Wartime Photographer, who is famous for his work in Africa, Vietnam and Middle east. A travel log on the same trip is long due .... It'll be up soon.

Wild Montana Skies

This is a John Denver song that I came across recently. I mean there is a sepia-ic charm in rediscovering old songs .... and here is an interesting video with the background score of Wild Montana Skies.

Do pay careful attention to the lovely wild life cinematography !!!

He was born in the Bitterroot Valley in the early morning rain
Wild geese over the water headin north and home again
Bringin a warm wind from the south
Bringin the first taste of the spring
His mother took him to her breast and softly she did sing

Oh Montana, give this child a home
Give him the love of a good family and a woman of his own
Give him a fire in his heart, give him a light in his eyes
Give him the wild wind for a brother and the wild Montana skies

His mother died that summer and he never learned to cry
He never knew his father and he never did ask why
He never knew the answers that would make an easy way
But he learned to know the wilderness and to be a man that way

His mothers brother took him in to family and his home
Gave him a hand that he could lean on and a strength to call his own
And he learned to be a farmer and he learned to love the land
And he learned to read the seasons and he learned to make a stand

Oh Montana, give this child a home
Give him the love of a good family and a woman of his own
Give him a fire in his heart, give him a light in his eyes
Give him the wild wind for a brother and the wild Montana skies

On the eve of his 21st birthday he set out on his own
He was 30 years and runnin when he found his way back home
Ridin a storm across the mountains and an aching in his heart
Said he came to turn the pages and to make a brand new start

Now he never told a story of the time that he was gone
Some say he was a lawyer, some say he was a John
There was somethin in the city that he said he couldnt breathe
And there was somethin in the country that he said he couldnt leave

Oh Montana, give this child a home
Give him the love of a good family and a woman of his own
Give him a fire in his heart, give him a light in his eyes
Give him the wild wind for a brother and the wild Montana skies

Now some say he was crazy and theyre glad that he is gone
But some of us miss him and well try to carry on
Giving a voice to the forest, giving a voice to the dawn
Giving a voice to the wilderness and the land that he lived on

Oh Montana, give this child a home
Give him the love of a good family and a woman of his own
Give him a fire in his heart, give him a light in his eyes
Give him the wild wind for a brother and the wild Montana skies

Oh Montana, give this child a home
Give him the love of a good family and a woman of his own
Give him a fire in his heart, give him a light in his eyes
Give him the wild wind for a brother and the wild Montana skies

Start ... Stop .... Start ....

For a long time i have been wanting to update this place.A place much beloved, although like a wife of 20 years, much ignored. I noticed that it has been 5 months since i last updated this blog. Although another number that did not escape my EVER WATCHFUL observation is that 2010 was the second most productive year of my blogging time. Now its 2011 .... a lot has happened over the last one year ... a lot of positives a few negative that can be taken in their own stride and moved on from.

"I am off to cornell bitch" was my favorite quote of 2010( ala Mark Zuckerberg, The Social Network) little did i realize that it should have been followed up with ",and i am screwed too !!" Not really .... I have had a lot of time of late to think and make innumerable observations. Living the life of a 23 year old unemployed, holed up with parents guy has its own little perks!! ;) I even get to take the car out for grocery shopping !! :P

Moving on. A few serious topics, plenty of frustrated ramblings, a travel log and loads of picture are on offering much like the all pleasing Budget of 2011, that promises a candy to all and is even considerate enough to offers a dental insurance at double the cost !!

So my beloved blog .... You shall not be ignored like the AAM AADMI of India .... After all i am not the Reformist from the land of communism and strikes ... !!!

Random Things Keep Popping In My Head

At a random time in a random place random things happen !!! like a marathi poem ...

Pardon the poor handwriting and mistakes if any .....


I have tried to help some of my reader overcome their marathi handicap .....

The Shaky Salver

He stepped out of an Autorickshaw in front of the large Iron Gate which slid open as he approached it. A condescending look from the guard would have been enough for him to turn on his heal and run in the opposite direction but that was twenty years ago. It did not deter him now. Though it made him acutely aware of his appearance. Clad in a checkered shirt, a bottle green trousers he would have qualified to be fashionable in 1980's, his appearance was distinctly middle-class. He smiled to himself thinking what the guard must be going through letting such a lowly creature pass.
A few dragged steps brought him to the porch the shinning silver sign announcing he had arrived at the Ritz-Carlton. The few patrons lingering around at afternoon were judging him by the look. Sarcasm twisted his thin lips into a smile. The vanity was not new to him but its wide spread tentacles were something he could never understand. As he stepped towards the lobby through the metal detectors he noticed the guard looking at him with disgust. The gatekeeper did not even move to open the door. The old man leaned on the door pushing it with all his failing strength. No sooner did he step inside the lobby than a smartly clad young man approached him and said. " Excuse me sir, but i am going to have to ask you to get the right footwear to come inside the hotel" with a sharp look towards his leather chappals. The old man could make out the mugged up line coming from the young man. His accent betrayed his look and the man guessed he must be the security supervisor no more educated than secondary schooling and no more important in the social fabric than he. " I am here to meet my son, he is .... " Said the old man only to be cut off by the security man " I am sorry . Meine Kya kaha woh shayad aapko samazh nahi aaya. Chappal pehenke yaham aana mana he. Visitor gate us taraf he. Aur agar aap supplier he toh bahar jake phone karo office me tab andar aane milega ... " " Par ... me supplier nahi aur naahi ....." " Yaar, you dont understand or what ? This is not a place for people like you. Go get yourself a pair of shoes first. !!! Now GO GET OUT. "

At the same time, the doorman swung the door open to startle the old man. A man stepped inside the hotel with a Gym bag slung on his back. The security guard noticed his arrival and wished him a good evening. The old man noticed he was wearing a pair of shorts and slippers. Hardly an attire to get admission into the Ritz renowned for its traditional hospitality.

" Old man, I am telling you you cannot enter this hotel without a pair of shoes. " " But the man you just wished evening was wearing shorts and slippers .... "

"DO you know who he is ? .... Clearly not .... He is the owner of Tara Industries! Chota Mota admi nahi. Like you. Now please leave I have other things to take care of .... "


A big suit clad figure was descending the stairs. The man looked perfectly in place at such a hotel. He stepped closer to the guard trying to over hear the conversation yet managing to stay out of sight. As the man took in the scene unfolding in front of him.

He stepped in and said." Good evening sir. "

" Sir ? I mean good evening sir. I was just trying to explain the gentleman that we don't admit people inside the hotel without proper attire. Though I don't think this is a matter that a General Manager like you should involve yourself with. I'll take care of it. "

Ignoring the interjection from the security man the General Manager hugged the old man.

" Its so nice to have one of our ex-general manager come over and spend an evening with us. "

The scowl faded from the security mans face and replaced itself with a look of utter shock.
A broad smile appeared on the old mans face making it wrinkle more.

" Son, you didn't have to put that poor man through such a misery he was only doing his job! "

Dark Side of the town

CHAPTER I


I walked into the small smoke filled room to find Meera plonked on a fluffy bean bag surrounded by the usual uptown magazines, cigarette butts and miniatures of an assortment of alcohol. I rolled my eyes. This wasn't the first time i had found her like that. I saw her bright red uniform with KF airline badge lying on the only chair available in the room. i picked it up folded it neatly and tucked it away in her cupboard." Hey that's the first time I am seeing u picking after me. U know its kinda nice once in a while when u do it. So how do u feel being me ? u know .." She said exhaling another cloud of smoke. " Stop it i pick up after myself u know when i need to and besides i needed the chair and i don't want you fussing over the press in the middle of the night." I quipped playing down the new found sense of responsibility.
I, met Meera at a restaurants. We had started going out after months of knowing each other. I guess we both needed the rebound. I was rebounding from a resignation and she was i guess always rebounding between boyfriends. She had recently moved in with me after moving back to Mumbai. We both were more friends than in a live-in. I guess both of us had had enough of clingy, commitment riddled involvements were more than happy to be in a best friends with benefits in a live-in relationship. Though she had been born in Mumbai Meera had lived more on a plane than under a roof for the past 6 years. As far as i was concerned i was more accustomed to living in the office as for the more than a decade an a half i had worked 14hours a day slept 4 drank for 2 hours and well u don't need to know about the other 4 hours of the day. Having quit my job recently i moved back to Mumbai, my home.

So coming back to that day. I threw my back pack in the corner of the room and snatched the cigarette out of Meera's hand and drew a long much awaited drag. Meera picked herself up brought a glass and poured a stiff one for me and asked " So Mr. I-wanna-break-from-work Socialworker how were your wanderings today ?? Where did you go exactly ? I cant even remember the name of the place?"
Well i went to Imam Wada. thinking not that it would have made any bells rings in her head but none the less i had to impress that my travel was more exotic than it really was.
"Yeah, right. So what about his Imam Wada did you really find what you had been looking for?"
Snatching a cigrette from a pack lying nearby i took my time to answer the question as the images and sound of the day flashed in front of my eyes. i rubbed my eyes carefully thinking how i was going to tell her all that had happened that day. I took a drag and started narrating.

Well it seems so strange that the more of the world you see around you the less you seem to understand it or far worse feel a part of it. Today i saw but a fraction of Mumbai but understood its soul. I walked the dingy lanes which were long forgotten, the people who we thought had ceased to exist but a hundred years ago. i realized that i MAZHI Mumabai is not MAZHI but AAPLi the Mumbai I call mine is not mine but ours.
"What the hell are you talking out ..." she interjected helping me snap out of my somber philosophical mood.
"Well sorry bout that ...."
"Its OK." she said
"As i had told you I walked outta the house today to experience something new. I seems like staying is the last thing i can manage these days. I had longed for the free air and bustling crowds. I don't really mind the sweat and the stench that bothers many including you. I am more of a common man. I felt this sudden rush of life you know. when you seem to have been caged for too long and suddenly let fly. I breathed free , i observed with a free mind i loved the most simple things today like the red color of the train bogeys I've never seen that read anywhere else. I wanted to feel free today i wanted to do things which i hadn't been able to do as a youngster living with his parents. I wanted to see and enjoy what i called the dark side of Mumbai !!!!

Where Do We Draw The Line

There are times when you stumble upon a song quite unexpected. And before the outro is played you've already been hit by a train. The hearts pounding and the breathe is erratic. The world is blurry with your mind rushing forward at break neck speed in an intellectual hyper-drive. These bits of musical expression rarely find the mass approval but that's not the point. Its inexplicable as to how a mirage of speeding images of what was, is and what never happened flashes before your eyes and all in a matter of 4 minutes.

Here is one of those songs ....

Its by Poets of the fall called where do we draw the line.
The video posted is from the Movie Twilight Though i only selected it cause it would probably appeal to the masses.




On your palm an endless wonder
Lines that speak the truth without a sound
In your eyes awaits the tireless hunger
Already looks for prey to run down

So why do we keep up this charade
How do we tell apart the time to leave from the time to wait

What does tomorrow want with me
What does it matter what I see
If it can't be my design
Tell me where do we draw the line

The dance of flames and shadows in the street
Make poetry nobody's ever heard
The weight of loneliness stands on your feet
The cage already there around the bird

So why don't we join the masquerade
Before it all falls apart before our love becomes in satiate

What does tomorrow want with me
What does it matter what I see
If I can't choose my own design
Tell me where do we draw the line

Where's the cooling wind
Where's the evergreen field
Where's my mother's open arms
Where's my father lion-heart
S'like the sun's gone down
Sleeps in the hallowed ground now
With the autumn's browns leaves
With the one who never grieves

What does tomorrow want with me
What does it matter what I see
If we all walk behind the blind
Tell me where do we draw the line

Whatever tomorrow wants from me
At least I'm here, at least I'm free
Free to choose to see the signs
This is my line

The Lost and Found .....

Today out of the blue a dear friend returned to me what I had thought to be lost forever. I realised the importance of what was lost as they say after I had lost it. It was a collection of a bunch of songs I had written a few years ago. Unfortunately I suffer from a writers shame. I cannot publish everything i write cause i am a little shy of these works and the feelings that they depict. By publishing them tonight i plan to overcome that feeling. ( I get really embarrassed if people who know me read any of my work. I manage a few compliments but it rarely does any good to the confidence.) Anyway here is to the first steps .... of my writing songs.

Disclaimer- this is the work of a 17 year old who has mirrored his state of mind through these half written songs .... bear with him as he bears the burden of being himself !!!



Do me a Favour
Do me a favour drop dead
Do me a favour end up in hell
Do it for me do it for the love
Hang urslef to dry thts wht I say

Ur sight makes me sick
Ur I m back sounds like a curse
I don’t wanna talk bout ur hopes and pain
I can do without u in my life

Ur breath turns to smoke
Ur hope ur death by a fast stroke
Dot disappoint me don’t jus survive
I m jus waiting for undertaker to arrive

Down in the coffin u look so beautiful
Eyes closed with flowers in hand
Reply


Say that you need me


Verse 1
I don’t know what I should do for her
Seems u to need no help
I’ve walked mile from my side
why does your mile seems jus one step

verse 2
I try to convice I’m conman
Pretending to be footloose
Hope u never believed what I said
But I’ll leave that for u to choose

Sometimes I get scared of holding u too close
Sometimes I feel I m holding too tight holding too long
Sometimes your body is all that I want

Verse 3
someday you’ll see the best in me
something tells me its gonna b soon
till that time hold me close to u
say that we can chase the moon

chorus
say that need me make me c the light
make me dance in the rain baby hold on tight






Heart of an atheist

Locked up inside me is the anger of a liar
Bound by the chains of humanity
Is the rage and fire of a faithless
Why do I lock myself in me feeling so hopeless
Why cant I notice the beauty of a full moon
I can c it travel across the window the night came so soon

In the heart of a faithless there seems no light
In the heart of an atheist there’s no hope alive

Is it just me or is the world which is going wrong
Y do I keep askin me the question why’s the feeling so strong?
An age seems to have passed since I was free
All I remember of it is the mountain and tree
All these doubts could my senses is this philosophy or insanity?????

So when the atheist decides to bow down against his will
The fight was in vain the point started out in him
Though his spirit doesn’t accept the defeated thoughts
The practical mind just arugues back wht treasures it bought
Torn in this fight of mind and matter

My Own Prison

Sitting here on my bed
The door locked behind me
With watery eyes, and pain
An age of anger bottled inside me

My own room
My own prison
My own feelings
Painted so crimson


Putting my self down for sake of peace
Fightin an enemy who’s so mine
I have to let it go but its breaking my spine


With a will that can crumble
I walk out with head held high
Facing the world, jus bout to stumble
My screams end in a sigh



I Feel Your Love


I like to walk in the dark
Cause no one can see me
I keep away from people
So tht no one can feel me
I don’t want you to tell
Am I right or wrong

They’ve pulled me down
They’ve kept me back
I used to be me
But now he’s gone

But then you came along
Like a cool mountain breeze
U melted my heart away
An all my pains they freeze

I feel your love
I still feel some pain
Stay long enough baby
I’m sure they’ll go away

I feel u here
Touch ur lips so warm
If we hold on together
I m sure We’ll sail thru the storm

I look into your eyes
An I know I’ve hurt you
Even if I beg u too hard
You wont kill me , will you ?


Am I holding too tight
Am I making u fight
That’s destiny for u…… my love


The last one was actually written to an ex girlfriend and its the closest to my heart and of all these songs written I missed it the most. Actually that is a really funny story but may be I'll write about it some other time.

Just warming up my finger ....

Well as i notice that the last time i put my fingers on the keyboard it was the winter of 2008 and boy look at this ... its been over a year and a half now .... wow so without further a due i shall start warming up my finger.... the delhi frost has thickened over my creative pool of thoughts and on the tips of my fingers so please pardon a few bullshit blogs .....
so to sum up the year and a half in the next few lines i would say that i have had a tough sordid time in delhi ... apart from one point of view .... i learned a lot ... questioned many of my values and decided to drop many more morals .... its such a baggage to carry around. I ready many blogs these days which are ritten my people who are utterly confused but in all their blogs the moral beacon of good indian values shines through and by the way who taught us all this ?? well lets not go into that ..... but my point being that these morals and values dont mean a thing if u havent questioned them and then decided to hold on. But then again i m no one to say drop ur morals .... i m more like do what u want just know this for a fact that as we all grow we either drop our morals or pick them up .... morals are like the new line of Gucci .... they are picked up one winter and dropped the next autumn .....

A Long Hibernation

My Intellectual life seems to have gone in a long hibernation. Much to my dislike it seems like its goin to be tht way for a long time to come . I seem to be undergoing a subtle change from what i was to wht i m and to the predicted future. Seems like delhi and the hopitality environ in which i m working in is twisting me in a way tht doesnt seem very apparent on the surface but has deeper repercussion at a deeper level. These days i m living quite an on-the-edge lifestyle with everynight partying and tht sorta thing. It has become an ever pressing agenda of taking control of my life. Starting off on a tangent it seems like my worklife is not really going at its best i have to realise that i lack the basic leadership qualities or rather the aura of a leader which makes comrades follow you. I think i need sum deep intuitional insight to make me overcome this problem, yeilding to others cud be a possible reason. I want to act like a stuck up bastard and hold my ground but everytime i think of doing so i dont know if my stand is reasonable or about the things which i am set to loose .. its frustrating .....
more over i have lost my eye for the keen observations which i had once been proud of . it seems by the passing day i m turing into a superficial person whose only concerns are impressing ppl. and getting things done his way even if it means selling ur soul.
i dont know wht things i believe in anymore. wonder ever so often if i have any principles in life by which i'd stand thru thick and thin..... i wonder so often where i have lost myself ???

Unlearn !!!!! Part 1

As a continuation of many of those posts which i have written advocating the whole leberation of thoughts and ideas i stumbled upon thi word ... " UNLEARN ". Again as my Guru says disclaim what is not yours ( which includes most thing ) here is the latest disclaimer . I came across this word during a drunken reverie with a friend of mine . I guess i was too drunk to remember exactly where the conversation had begun but i rememeber this word from the conversation.
UNLERN !!!!!!
Have your ever thought how important it is to learn ??? i m sur all of us have very strong views emphasizing its importance. But as my beliefs in sufism tell me ... there is more to unlearn before u can learn ....... Think of it this way, when we were a kid our sense of vision told us that the ground under our feet looked flat . based on that we believed that the earth was flat . But when we went to school we were tought tht the earth was a sphere and how it rotated around itself and so on .. in this whole new learning process we subconciously unlearnt the whole theory of earth being flat ....
Similarly i think there is a need to understand that many of our so called value need to be unlearnt to live in this ever changing and complicated world that we live in . Many of them we have but there is a need for more of that change .
For instance thw way middle class looks at mall culture is with a lot of resentment which cannot be faulted either but its not the only truth there is a need to look at it from a different perspective. Even more than the need to change is the realisation that change cannot be haled and we need to change according to the world around us .....
I know so many friends of mine who dispise smoking and boozing. Agreed its a health hazard but does anyone give heed to the psychological need for such thing... i mean come on dont u think when defend the antismoking thingy so vehemently and still see people smoking that u need to realise the other take on this situation !!!! this is not just about antisocial habits there is more to the issue that meets the eye ... there is a growing need to accept other cultures other value in the globalised scenario. Here i would like to quote another example of my dearest friend when he went to UK for his last yrof education he found it very difficult to live with people with different set of values. Hence the quick fix cure for all such problems UNLEARN !!!!!

Happiness is Not Where You Seek It

This is a very fulfilling time as a blogger with loads of time on my hand and little work to be attended to. I have been spending much of the time doing nothing, reading books is one of those NOTHINGS that i do. I am reading a Book by Idries Shah the same author from whose earlier works i have posted one of the blogs. Here is another one of his stories which i found very appealing due to ( quite obviously ) circumstances with a lot of cribbing and wailing people around me ( i used to be one of them even now i guess i do indulge myself in some of that foolish fun ). This ones dedicated to all the bloggers who use blogging as a medium of expression of utter frustration and simple boredom.

So the story goes like this.....
Nasrudin saw a man sitting disconsolately at the way-side and asked what ailed him.
' There is nothing of interest in life, brother,' Said the man; ' I have sufficient capital not to have to work, and I am on this trip only in order to seek somthing more interesting than the life I have at home. So far I haven't found it.'
Without another word, Nasrudin seized the travellers's knapsack and made off down the road with it, running like a hare. Since he knew the area, he was able to out-distance him.
The road curved, and Nasrudin cut acros several loops, with the result that he was soon back on the road ahead of the man whom he had robbed. He put the bag by the side of the road and waited in concelament for the other to catch up.
Presently the miserable traveller appeared, following the tortuous road, more unhappy than ever because of his loss. As soon as he saw his property lying there , he ran towards it, shouting with joy.
'That's one way of producing happiness,'said Nasrudin.
There is much to be interpreted from this story but like the good old Mr. Shah i shall leave it to your judgement.

Letters From Iwo Jima ... the letters for humanity ..

Movies have a way of making a great impact on me . As a medium, it moves me the most. To tell stories with such earnestness deserves to be applauded but let me not start singing seranades about the medium. So getting back to the topic at hand .. I happened to see this amazing movie called Letters From Iwo Jima directed by my favourite director Clint Eastwood.
Its a story of a battle which was fought in the early 1945 on the volcanic island of Iwo Jima.
The movie tells the story of the battle from the Japanese side where as its prequel ( Flags of our fathers , another good one ) tells a story of the battle from the American side.
It basically revolves around the soldiers of the Japanese light infentory who had to make a stand on that island and their sacrifices, their fears and hopes and on a larger canvas the futility of war .. the transformation of ordinary men into heroes and the gentle whispers of those who died in that war ... heroes everyone of them. It truely moved me in the sense, that it made me realise that the heroes we all worship, are not some superhuman figures ... they are as human as we are ,they feel the same things as we do .. even when i think of my enemies, i wish that i could treat them with the same humanity that i would treat my friends with. It has just been raising too many questions in my mind, and i seem to be thoroughly enjoying answering them .. But the most important lesson which i've learned from this movie is that at the end of it fear, courage, anger, vengence are all present in the human mind the sooner we accept that we really are the epitome of everything we realise that Heroes are we , villains are we, God is also in us and so do we house our own devils and demons.