My Intellectual life seems to have gone in a long hibernation. Much to my dislike it seems like its goin to be tht way for a long time to come . I seem to be undergoing a subtle change from what i was to wht i m and to the predicted future. Seems like delhi and the hopitality environ in which i m working in is twisting me in a way tht doesnt seem very apparent on the surface but has deeper repercussion at a deeper level. These days i m living quite an on-the-edge lifestyle with everynight partying and tht sorta thing. It has become an ever pressing agenda of taking control of my life. Starting off on a tangent it seems like my worklife is not really going at its best i have to realise that i lack the basic leadership qualities or rather the aura of a leader which makes comrades follow you. I think i need sum deep intuitional insight to make me overcome this problem, yeilding to others cud be a possible reason. I want to act like a stuck up bastard and hold my ground but everytime i think of doing so i dont know if my stand is reasonable or about the things which i am set to loose .. its frustrating .....
more over i have lost my eye for the keen observations which i had once been proud of . it seems by the passing day i m turing into a superficial person whose only concerns are impressing ppl. and getting things done his way even if it means selling ur soul.
i dont know wht things i believe in anymore. wonder ever so often if i have any principles in life by which i'd stand thru thick and thin..... i wonder so often where i have lost myself ???
6 comments:
don't blame you. Sometimes I feel like an attention-seeking jackass too. It's more like, all the time. Trying to prove myself right and all, and saying something so witty people'll be asking for my autograph, geddit?
I wouldn't dare advise you on this, it'll be hypocritical, but I promise you, if I find a solution, I'll pass the secret.
Welcome back, after an eternity.
Yeah Right!It has been very long !!! Hibernation, doesn't seem like that 'cause you've been partyin', livin away from your parents independently .Isn't that what you WANTed??
About your leadership qualities..hmmm.. Believe in yourself..i know that it sounds very philosophical,atleast it is better than not believing. I can tell you from my experience that we lose because we NEEDed to lose.Jus' a process of Realisation.Then ,about principles,its good that you don't have any thats because they too let you down !!
The question put forth is of great discovery as you now know WHO YOU ARE...
the interesting part is u know who u are when u realise tht there is sumthing u believe in or its sumthing u stumble upon and seems unmovable ....
tho tht is not the case i cant figure out wht i believe in....
leadership qualities are a different matter i m not the sort of person who wants to influence ppl as a matter of nature .. but tht is exactly wht is expected of me in my job ...
about the life away from parents ... its not human nature to be satisfied with wht one has ... u are always yearning for more ....
you can change yourself and adapt to a new environment, but deep down inside, your identity, your principles will always keep prickling you. And when the time comes, heed them, for they will show you your path.
that said, don't worry too much. You're enjoying yourself, that is all that matters!
So hz delhi for the bbay boy?
can you just come back and start writing again?
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